The White Lotus Season 2, Episode 5: Weekly Recap

EPISODE 5:

CAROL:

Overall Thoughts: Well, well, well. Meghann Fahy turning her phone around to reveal that her kids are not 50% Theo James, but are 50% boy toy blonde trainor to a sloshed, aggravated Aubrey Plaza is television. The slow motion walk-in scene of the core foursome as Aubrey Plaza drunkenly swings her purse around in a circle is television. Mia insisting that Valentina is gay to which Valentina silently smiles is television. Television is redefining girlbossery. Potential incest intrigue! This episode has it all.

Favorite Line: “Maybe you should get yourself a trainer?”

Who Died Prediction: I fear for Tanya, but her characterization as a bumbling idiot in the overt encroachment of Tom Hollander’s murderous gaze cannot just lead to a clean conclusion him pushing her into the sea for a vague reason. Although, Natasha Rothwell did fully put a curse on Jennifer Coolidge last season, so it's possible. Maybe Essex will die? He has to do something for his uncle!

Favorite Jennifer Coolidge Moment: The gays invited us to Palmero. Jennifer Coolidge is always dressing incorrectly for every occasion. Easter Sunday wisteria print cocktail dress at the poolside breakfast. Hooded cape from Taylor Swift’s “willow” music video at the opera. Her perpetual “out of placeness” makes the idea of normalcy seem silly in the first place.

America’s Next Top Asshole: Fine, it’s husband Ethan. Worst apologizer, wanting a round of applause for not cheating on his wife, unwillingness to finish a single argumentative conversation, warning Theo James of danger before his wife—the misdemeanors of cowardice go on and on. I’m honestly done with him; Aubrey can leave his abs with a lego-man haircut in Italy.

JULIE:

Overall Thoughts: Okay new best episode award! So juicy, so dramatic, so tense! Aubrey Plaza swinging her bag in slow motion like she has nothing left to lose. The leg touch. The drowning of the wine. Harper is in her bag here. We realized that this “Alessio” is real… to be honest I thought he was made up by Lucia as a tactic to get her money more quickly, but I suppose he will cause some issues in the coming episodes. Happy for Mia getting her big popstar moment in the form of playing the hotel restaurant piano and singing a sinister version of “That’s Amore.” Tanya crying at the opera is very me.

Favorite Line: “So the gays invited us to Palermo.”

Who Died Prediction: It’s anyone’s game at this point, but something is surely going down in Palermo. Where are they luring Tanya? And poor Portia. This feels like a swindle of the highest order, and not a fun one either. BUT we cannot forget about the death of perhaps one Theo James once he sleeps with Harper and Ethan do-nothing finds out. I think he might snap. Albie also feels likely. He is in fact the type to insert himself in someone else’s argument and get hurt because he couldn’t stop being annoying. That martyr complex might come in handy.

Favorite Jennifer Coolidge Moment: Saying hi to the queen at the opera. She shot her shot! Let Tanya become royalty once she divorces Greg!

America’s Next Top Asshole: Once again, let’s give it up for Ethan. Wanting praise for doing the bare minimum… it’s so predictable. Wow, you didn’t cheat on your wife? Let’s all clap! How about you tell her the truth - that you are pathetic and will immediately bow to peer pressure. Ethan could never have the wherewithal to obtain a trainer as revenge for their spouse’s infidelity a la Meghann Fahy. He doesn’t have the guts!

SHEA:

Overall Thoughts: This was obviously the best episode by FAR. It had me gagged. Meghann Fahy revealed that those are NOT Theo James’ babies… sir you are BROKE! That was actually insane and my jaw actually dropped. Of course we had the final scene equivalent of the salad tossing in the first season and they topped it with possible incest? This episode was perfect.

Favorite Line: “Maybe you should get a trainer.” Meghann, gagged me. Also I feel like a lot of people aren’t picking up on the hint that those aren’t Theo James’ kids and that makes me worried for society.

Who Died Prediction: Literally everyone will die at this point who knows! I saw a theory that Greg and Tom Hollander are conspiring together to kill Tanya and it feels likely. Theo James might die because he refuses to pay back Lucia. I think that Harper and Ethan’s marriage will die.

Favorite Jennifer Coolidge Moment: When she was crying at the opera and I just loved it. Something about Tanya just wanting love and appreciating beauty and absurdness feels so personal and I love her.

America’s Next Top Asshole: Obviously, it’s Ethan. Congratulations for doing the bare minimum?! Screw you. I hope she makes you PANIC this next episode when she possible maybe cheats on you. I said it for the first episode review, but your wife is AUBREY PLAZA! Act like it!