The White Lotus Season 2, Episodes 3 & 4: Weekly Recap

EPISODE 3:

CAROL:

Overall Thoughts: The characterization of Miss Hotel Manager Colored Suits is very flat, so I am trying to decide if they’re harboring her secrets for later or she literally doesn't have a secret to spare. And that’s actually fine, women do not need to have secrets to entertain me; they can just be lonely and gorgeous! Also, I’m entirely convinced “The Godfather” isn’t real.

Favorite Line: “I feel sorry for men, you know. It’s like they think they’re out there doing something really important, but they're just wandering alone.” Meghann Fahy’s delivery of the titular Bull Elephant monologue was so compelling, she’s really stomping this out. Her character keeps being a worthy surprise.

Who Died Prediction: I don’t care about the murder mystery plot at this point– Meghann Fahy just booked the palazzo from Architectural Digest!

Favorite Jennifer Coolidge Moment: I did pick up the latest Vanity Fair. You could read it.

America’s Next Top Asshole: I hate, hate, hate Albie’s Dad’s sunglasses! The Home Box Office frames require Maximum strength Advil. They're 3D movie glasses. They’re the post-dilation at the eye doctor glasses. They’re the Male Gaze. They’re a boring plot line about the exploration of men’s addiction to infidelity. They fathered Albie. America has a problem!

SHEA:

Overall Thoughts: I really enjoyed this episode. I could’ve watched a whole bottle episode about Aubrey Plaza and Meghann Fahy’s characters on their own just discussing their lives and relationships. I think Ethan and Cameron definitely have some ~tension~ if you know what I mean. I still don’t trust Albie.

Favorite Line: Caroline already said it but Meghann Fahy’s monologue had me SAT! I love her and I’m so glad she’s shining.

Who Died Prediction: I’m not really sure. I still stand by everyone I’ve said up until this point: Mia, Theo James, and I don’t know maybe Greg or Harper?

Favorite Jennifer Coolidge Moment: Telling a psychic “you are so NEGATIVE!” when you don’t like what they are saying is so funny to me.

America’s Next Top Asshole: I’m going to say Theo James, but not for the obvious reasons that we already know he is an asshole for. I think that man is BROKE. I’ve watched Gossip Girl enough times to know that when someone is “rich’ but BEGGING someone to invest with them… you are BROKE. He is going to screw everyone over. I just know it. Whether it’s running out of money or fraud or whatever… Theo James, you are broke and I know it.

JULIE:

Overall Thoughts: Best episode of the season so far, dare I say. Meghann’s “men are elephants” monologue over Cameron and Ethan jet skiing is what cut to means to me. Why not book an Italian palazzo… for the girls? That is where secrets are revealed. But is it really a secret that Theo James is a cheater? The scene with Tanya and the psychic was classic White Lotus – please give me more!

Favorite Line: Gonna go ahead and third on the elephant monologue. It’s giving Fleabag’s “women are born with pain built in” to a certain degree.

Who Died Prediction: I need the murder(s) to be juicy. Kind of want to see Portia go cuckoo crazy and take it out on someone. Albie? Tanya? Greg? Going to need her to do something other than complain and wear the entire Urban Outfitters website, so murder will do.

Favorite Jennifer Coolidge Moment: Mumbling that she needs a psychic to the front desk and then straight up leaving. Pivot-turned and walked away mid-sentence.

America’s Next Top Asshole: To be honest, many are fighting for this prize at the moment. It will be going to Theo James this week as well, and not for the crimes you think. Cheating on your wife, doing drugs, and peer pressuring your friend to do the same in a slightly homoerotic way is just another Thursday for a man in finance. Come up with something else! Not one iota of ingenuity lives inside that brain. And that’s an asshole move.

Episode 4

CAROL:

Overall Thoughts: I’m back on my justice for Aubrey Plaza bullshit. I am begging for marital sex. I am begging him to gossip with her. Unfortunately, her husband Ethan is very hot, so I still have forgiveness in my heart available to him upon sincere apology, but if I hear the words “bro code” one more time I will personally see to his imprisonment. Anyway, Meghann Fahy has the most chiseled abs!

Favorite Line: “Do you know any Italian gestures?”

Who Died Prediction: Tom Hollander and his gaggle of gays are absolutely going to push Jennifer Coolidge into the ocean. He will Judas Iscariot Tanya and wring her vacation skirt pockets for every last penny.

Favorite Jennifer Coolidge Moment: You know what? Tanya kind of spilled when she said women are depressing, because they have reason to be. Let her speak!

America’s Next Top Asshole: Sorry, but I’ve watched enough reality television featuring British people to understand the stereotype of people from Essex. I don’t care for their annoying phrases “innit?” in what, is what, and isn’t what? Glad Haley Lu Richardson is getting some desired dick, but I just personally need less dialogue from Naughty Nephew from Essex. Happy to spite Albie, though, so it’s net zero sum for me.

SHEA:

Overall Thoughts: This episode felt the most “eh” because everything felt so typical. I mean, Harper is suspicious after Ethan and Camerons night out? Portia is bored with Albie? Duh! I don’t trust any of these people! I officially don’t like Albie and I’m so scared for Lucia.

Favorite Line: “Do you know any Italian gestures?”

Who Died Prediction: I’m so scared that Tanya will die, but hear me out. What if: Tanya kills Greg and then the NEXT season is her going to a White Lotus to spread his ashes?! That would then put a whole other spooky ooky layer to Tanya spreading her mothers ashes in the first season! Right? The lengths I will go to ensure that Jennifer Coolidge remains on my screen. Also, Harper, stay away from the water like that, you're scaring me.

Favorite Jennifer Coolidge Moment: The gaggle of gays that surrounded her as she just drank and emotionally dumped on all of them? Yeah girl, it's called “me time.”

America’s Next Top Asshole: Theo James, how dare you not pay Lucia and Mia for their services. Sex work is work! You are BROKE, sir. Also, Essex Nephew talked a lot this episode and I don’t think I’m interested enough to see him also turn into an asshole. I’m good with him just being a guy Haley Lu Richardson has sex with on vacation that gets her away from Albie. (I do think she’ll go back to Albie and Essex Nephew will read her for filth about it, but this is just a prediction).

JULIE:

Overall Thoughts: Finding Essex boy a minute amount of charming was a shock to me… after Albie’s drudgery any Love Island contestant will do. Not enough Aubrey/Meghann in this episode. To be honest, Mia’s failure to girlboss her singing career was the most interesting part of this episode. And can we talk about how perfectly her outfit was serving Disney Channel? The Ugg-knockoff boots in July, the fringed and beaded t-shirt, the Justice clearance rack skirt. I just know Mike White dipped into the House of Mouse’s wardrobe department.

Favorite Line: “Your friend didn’t come.” Read him Lucia!

Who Died Prediction: Maybe this is cheating because I’m reading this based on the promo for the next few episodes, but I think Ethan/Cameron/Harper will die. The jealousy, cheating, lies, etc. are building. Other than that, Mr. White will cop out and have Giuseppe be one of the dead bodies. Again, which characters this season are living (or dying) up to the chaotic serve that was Armand?

Favorite Jennifer Coolidge Moment: Honestly, letting herself be distracted by her new gay best friends and letting Portia have fun for once! And agreeing to be whisked away to an island party, because this holds promise for a Big Tanya Moment.

America’s Next Top Asshole: Ethan, for being withholding AGAIN. You won’t have sex with your wife, you won’t let her gossip with you about the married couple behind the connecting door, and now you won’t be honest with her about the thing she definitely knows happened? Try not being boring for once. Stir the pot, Ethan! At least Cameron is feigning passion. You are a dud.