The White Lotus Season 2, Episode 1: Weekly Recap

CAROL:

Overall Thoughts: Five stars. Honestly, I procrastinated watching the episode, because TV has not sparked joy for me lately, but TV is back, baby! That Mr. Mike White can write!

Favorite Line: Aubrey Plaza as Harper shaking her head while disagreeing with the table, “I don’t watch Ted Lasso,” rattled my very bones in a song of recognition. I don’t watch Ted Lasso. Period. I am absolutely going to believe that every choice Harper makes is correct, because I have an unwillingness to distrust Aubrey Plaza (even after Ingrid Goes West).

Who Died Prediction: Several bodies they say! The look of horror on Meghann Fahy as Daphne's face seems to indicate recognition, and the body’s legs looked feminine, so signs point to Aubrey Plaza as a first pick. Lucia is another obvious choice in that the outsider non-rich person always loses in a scheme with the elite, but the dead sex-worker trope seems too obvious for Mike White as well. I'm going to be so bad at this guessing game!

Favorite Jennifer Coolidge Moment: Her presenting the lemon and lime macaroons to Greg after he brushed his teeth was so child-like and innocent that I wanted to cry for her.

America’s Next Top Asshole: Turns out, there is another actor on the planet that is as smarmy and revolting to me as Jake Lacy - Theo James to the stage. I hope the killer is Zoë Kravitz coming to drown the legacy of the Divergent series in the Mediterranean Sea. If only Shailene Woodley wasn’t so fiercely anti-vaxx, she definitely could’ve booked The White Lotus too.

JULIE:

Overall Thoughts: Somehow The White Lotus Season 2 has turned into my most anticipated show of the year (only because Succession isn’t airing of course), and the premiere did not disappoint. Not only are we getting a cast so stacked my 5’2 self simply couldn’t begin to scale, but this season is set in Italy and focused on the big mess that is romantic relationships. I love it already.

Favorite Line: Carol already took “I don’t watch Ted Lasso”...

Who Died Prediction of the Week: I want our queen Jennifer Coolidge to live forever in the world of The White Lotus, so this week, I’m going to posit that she ends her marital suffering by offing Greg in the Ionian Sea. A power move, plus it could be covered up by the fact that there are bodies, plural. What if she told you she was a mastermind?

Favorite Jennifer Coolidge Moment: Nothing says vacation of a lifetime like silently screaming over your husband’s shoulder for your depressed postgrad Gen Z assistant to leave the hotel restaurant and spend a week locked in her room. Ciao!

America’s Next Top Asshole: I can’t sit here in the chat and pretend I’m not going to hand this to my man Michael Imperioli aka Dominic, although as we’ve established, character names aren’t important here. You automatically win this spot when you get Laura Dern to descend into madness as she screams at you over the phone, sorry!

SHEA:

Overall Thoughts: I j’adore the chaos and tension this show can depict. I’m so excited that it’s back and will be watching weekly. The cast is fantastic and you all know how I feel about a mystery. Honey, I’m sat!

Favorite Line: Screw both of you… “I don’t watch Ted Lasso” is gold.

Who Died Prediction of the Week: It feels obvious, but I sorta think maybe Lucia. BUT I mostly also want to cast a vote for her shy bestie (I don’t remember her name sorry!). I feel like miss girl will go on a transformation that could lead to her death.

Favorite Jennifer Coolidge Moment: Cracked up at her mouth/silent yelling at her assistant to “GO BACK TO HER ROOM!” when she was literally fine and completely in the clear. Also, I forgot her character's name was “Tanya” which is so slay.

America’s Next Top Asshole: Such a competitive category! Congratulations to all of the nominees. But I’m gonna give it to Ethan (aka Aubrey Plaza’s husband), because how dare you make her feel like she’s the bad guy for not liking Theo James and Meghann Fahy (love you, queen). They don’t vote! She doesn’t watch Ted Lasso! I know who I would back.