Ring By Spring

DISCLAIMER!!!!!!:

These are all my opinions! I realize that there have been successful marriages from people who have gotten married super young, and I congratulate them on that! I don’t hate people who get married young, it’s just not my cup of tea! I don’t mean to hurt anyone's feelings or offend anyone! If you have any thoughts or arguments on why this article is wrong or whatever feel free to email us! I’m so open to hearing other people's opinions on this subject!!

Since this is the “Spring Issue,” I couldn’t not talk about a statement that I’ve rolled my eyes at for most of my life — “Ring by Spring.” This is a common phrase I heard in high school about college seniors getting married the spring semester before they graduate. To most it may seem like a great thing. Yay marriage! Yay for finding your person! Yay for the coming together of two people and commiting to someone for the rest of your life forever and ever till death parts you! But whatever happened to just long term dating? Why is there such a rush to tie yourself down, commit to someone, and start your life, when you could just date and figure out life together? Now I don’t mean to diminish the excitement of getting married, because it really is an exciting thing. I just want to call to attention the idea of getting married at such a young age. I believe that society commonly highlights all the good things about finding “your person” at such a young age, but nobody ever talks about the risks and reasons that come with getting married so young.

There are several things that worry me about people getting married too young. This article is me finally putting my thoughts out on getting married at a young age as well as me wrapping my head around the idea that there are people a couple years older than me looking at wedding venues and picking out color schemes while I’m struggling to get up for my 8 a.m. I feel like getting married really young is just more risk than reward; there are many factors that favor waiting. These are the arguments that come to my mind in favor of waiting at least until your mid-twenties to even think about marriage.

1. I believe that getting married during your undergraduate years in college is just really rash thinking. There are so many things about yourself and your career that you still don’t know until you get out of college, which makes getting married more complicated. What if you have to move for your job? What if you’ve decided to go to grad school? What if both of your schedules were easier when you had just class to focus on? When you get out of college, you still have so much of life you haven’t faced yet, and you’re still coming into your own. It’s great and essential to grow after college, and getting married in these important years of your life can affect your relationship in ways you can’t even think of right now. The pressure of planning a wedding on top of trying to make it on your own right after college can put a lot of stress on a person, let alone a whole relationship. This is why I can’t imagine not waiting until one figures out their career or next move after college.

1. Since my main problem with “Ring By Spring” is people’s age, I have to argue that people’s brains do not fully develop until they are 25 years old. This means that we aren’t even fully developed into ourselves until we are in our mid- twenties! The ages of 18-25 are such important growing years where one is supposed to find themselves and come into who they are supposed to be. It is essential for people to grow and learn, and I feel like getting engaged at such a young age doesn’t take into account the fact that people grow and become different people, and that's okay. I’ve even changed a lot since my first year of college and THANK GOD for that! We are constantly learning from our mistakes and growing and becoming who we want to be. I realize that people can grow together and I love the idea of that, but what if you decide that, in both you and your partners growth, that you two just don’t fit like you did when you were in college? I feel like commiting to someone for the rest of your life when we are all still in this vulnerable stage of growing and learning can put a lot of extra stress on a relationship.

1. An argument I think of a lot when it comes to getting married young, is society’s pressure on young people to wait to have sex before marriage. Whether it is for religious or other personal reasons, I completely respect one's choice as to what they want to do with their bodies. However, I feel like the pressure to stay true to saving oneself for marriage can put extra pressure on young adults wanting to get married earlier in life. Even though people from ages of 18-22 are considered adults, there can be so much growing up in those three years. When you meet someone still at that young age and you find a connection with them, yet are putting that pressure to wait until marriage, it is easier to convince yourself that the lust you are feeling towards that person is real love. I know this isn’t the number one reason that people get married young, but I feel like this could be a super big factor as to why people are so quick to jump to marriage instead of just deciding to date for a while longer and see how things go. I’m not suggesting one way or the other when it comes to sex befroe marriage, I’m just saying that one must be careful with the external and internal pressure on feelings when it comes to relationships and matters of one’s morals and beliefs. Don’t by any means feel the need to sacrifice one or the other for a person. I just feel like this pressure causes young people to rush important decisions like marriage.

I hope that this article didn’t feel too much like a rant. I personally have nothing against relationships and marriage in general. I just believe that love is such a complicated issue, and marriage is such an important decision and promise to make to a person, and I don’t feel like people around my age need to feel rushed. I think that the idea of being able to look at someone and make that promise of spending the rest of your life with them is a truly beautiful thing. Love is wonderful and should be celebrated when two people find the person they want to commit to for the rest of their lives. Although, there is not enough attention drawn to the fact that the pressure society can put on two people dating to think about marriage is insane. People, young or old, should not feel the pressure to get married. It is okay to not marry your highschool or college boyfriend straight out of school. It is okay to date anyone for however long you see fit and then, if you both are ready and secure in your lives and the relationship, to discuss marriage. Again, this is my opinion. I do not mean to wish anything bad on people getting married out of college. I just wish I did not feel this pressure to move from one stepping stone in life to the other. I feel that there is a societal pressure that must be acknowledged. Love, at any age, is messy, complicated, and unpredictable. There are ups and downs and twists and turns that nobody can ever prepare you for. You have to be vulnerable and patient when sharing your life with someone, and it is one of the greatest feelings to know that someone loves you as much as you love them. Why rush that? Relationships move at their own speed and to rush them to a goal they might not even be sure they are ready for is just selfish and destructive. People are constantly evolving and growing, whether it’s in a relationship or not, and to take a big leap like spending the rest of your life with someone is a very big deal that should not be taken lightly. Marriage is such a big step in a relationship and some people are ready and some people aren’t, and that is okay.